omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
