yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do vagina's smell?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
