and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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