it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
