its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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