found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
