coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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