You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We need a shit load of segways right now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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