Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
