I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
