I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
