Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
