Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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