hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
