I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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