you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
