I wanna bring you to show and tell
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
