I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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