oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
