Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
