She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
