he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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