Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
