i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
