Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
