I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
