Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
