you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
