I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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