Whod you bang
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
