Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
