Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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