I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize