i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
