When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
vagina is talking i cant
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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