I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
