Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I FOUND THE LEGS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
