dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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