TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
