Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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