if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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