Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
