This girl is more easily done than said...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
