From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I want to fling myself into the sun
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
