i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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