Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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