Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
