I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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