I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
