he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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