Your mouth is God's brothel.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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