If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
