Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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