Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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