All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
