you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
