4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
