I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
