I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
