Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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