I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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