Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
