do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
