remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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