Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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