i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
