my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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