we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
