yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
