Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize