I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
