I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
