"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
