Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am naked and annoyed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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